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He showed up in a suit with a massive posh umbrella, and immediately I could tell we both weren’t into each other.

He seemed to want to leave with the belief that I fancied him, though, as some sort of ego boost.

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Here’s 11 things you’re doing on your online dating profile that crack us up. Nipples The golden rule of online dating pictures, regardless of what state your body is in, is keep your top on. A Duran Duran T-shirt or a George Michael mullet c.1987 – yep, that should do it. When I showed up to the bar he’d chosen, he was already pretty plastered. Finally, I managed to get small talk going and it came up that I have a short list of things that make me instantly not trust someone: If you don’t like pizza; if you wear socks to bed every night; if a mustache is your only facial hair; and if you don’t like dogs.